I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
