I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
