Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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