I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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