I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Never underestimate the power of titties
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
