we're chasing vodka with high fives
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
