I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
