He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
