why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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