I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
