Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
