he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
