Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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