Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
