is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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