but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
