weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Terrible idea I love it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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