Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
