Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
