im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
