The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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