I will die if light touches me.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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