Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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