When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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