he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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