It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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