we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
