I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
