Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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