Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
