I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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