My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
