Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize