Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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