we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
