he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
