we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
