I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
