well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
