She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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