allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
