Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Why does Jon Cryer have a career?

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

That is a good question.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?

(720): View more from Colorado

This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?

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(904): View more from Florida

I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox

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(281): View more from Texas

when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer

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(727): View more from Florida

at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights

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(503): View more from Oregon

He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore

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