the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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