All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
