Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
