Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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