My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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