i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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