you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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