I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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