You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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