before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
