One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
