I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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