she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
