At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize