Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
