If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
