guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize