weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
