I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
