My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You pole danced in your parka.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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