I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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