I seem to have left my pride at pride
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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