Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he thought i was a dude.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
