sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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