I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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