maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
