oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
