I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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