If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
