i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Acid is not a monday night drug
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
