I want to have your abortion
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
