Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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