Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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