no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
