ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
