he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize