Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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