I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
